The Reminder
by penpaninuSessh
Summary: Kenshin's chill reminder to value what he has now. Guilt and dread cradle his love for his new family. Set in the Reflections ova animation after Kenji is born. Monthiversary present for author's fiancee!


I love the Kenshin ova animations. To me, these episodes show a deeper side to the Kenshin tales: grief, love, redemption, marriage, family. My beloved said offhand last week that she would "love for me to write another Kenshin tale." She really meant after my Inuyasha saga. What I meant, was to make her a present. So I whipped this short story up for our monthiversary on the 13th. One year and 13 months. I love writing short introspective pieces to these episodes. They convey my deeper feelings about the concept of marriage and then my own.

This is for you, Skye. I love you, baby. I need you with me always. Happy monthiversary, love. I hope my love for writing shows through to you. Love you always, want to grow old with you.

Disclaimer: Penpaninu does not claim to own the likeness or characters of Rurouni Kenshin. I just wrote this story for my lovely on our monthiversary! One year and nine months. 

"The Reminder"

a tale set in Reflections

by penpaninu

"Years ago... I killed my wife Himura Tomoe with my own hands..." 

Kenshin's own voice reverberated his own words through his mind suddenly. His spine straightened as a chill swept through him. The short man moved a clothes pin absently around his mouth to keep from showing his shocked stillness at the sudden memory. His hands clasped the clothesline, gripping hard. He exhaled slowly and bent down for another article of clothing.

Yahiko was drilling alone in a corner of the courtyard. His yells echoed with the whistle his bokken made as it slashed through the air. Soft singing drifted from the back balcony of the main house, and Kenshin's eyes alone moved to follow the movements of his wife.

Kaoru was cradling Kenji and nursing. Her face was flushed with happiness as she gazed down into their son's scrunched up, little face. Her ruby red lips parted as a song escaped to tinge the air with joy.

Kenshin's heart shifted, flooding sudden warmth through the ice that had threatened to hold his heart captive again. He was as happy as a man could admit to being, and more so... but sometimes, sometimes... The memory of the weight of the katana hilt in his hands weighed his heart low. The weight of the hilt as it sliced through the flesh of his wife always made him stop, made his eyes wide and made him gauge each movement.

It had been an accident... an accident... He hadn't meant to, nor had he wanted to. But he had done it all the same... 

He hadn't thought he was coming out to meet Tomoe's death. His only damaging thoughts were that she wasn't his wife and she had betrayed more than his position in the Chosu. She had betrayed his heart for not telling him who she really was. In those frozen moments of augue, he thought he had wanted to hurt her.

But he hadn't wanted that either.

Never mind that he was one step from collapsing with body breaking fatigue and exhaustion. Never mind that his eyes had been squeezed shut against the force of the icy wind and what he thought was his own demise. Never mind that Tomoe had run BETWEEN him and the Shogunate official when he had no idea she was close by.

He had heard her in his thoughts and even if he didn't know he was doing it... he had run her through all the same.

The guilt alone was enough to murder him. Kenshin's thin shoulders hunched slightly. He grabbed up a blanket and pinned it neatly and quickly, lest Yahiko or Kaoru notice. He didn't even know he had killed his wife until her body had smashed back into his chest, thrown at him fro the force of drawing his blade out of her torso.

Even in the brightest of sunlight, Kenshin could feel and hear the cold of that dread moment where his life's path had snapped abruptly.

'Tomoeeee!' his younger self screamed soundlessly in the recesses of his mind. 

Kenshin shuddered, his ears almost twitching as they remembered sunshine. His head warmed again quickly and the laundry was finished. Kenshin watched the clothing banner lightly in the breeze, almost with dismay. How could he occupy his hands to keep the cold at bay when his chores were all finished? 

"Kenshin-san! I'm done!" Yahiko hollered across the way. Kenshin turned with his usual smile, and held one finger to his lips to ask for silence.

"Go ahead and finish the chores, Kaoru-donno set aside for you," he said melliflously. 

"Ahhh, that's no fun!" Yahiko called in return. But he shouldered his bokken and ambled off as quietly as a young teenager could.

Kenshin's eyes shifted to his small family. Kaoru had finished nursing and had retied her kimono lapels. She lay cuddled around a ball of Kenji, exhausted from his young attentions.

Kenshin felt himself be rooted back to the happy present and he carefully stepped up into the airy, open room. The absense of the sakabato sheathe banging against his leg as he knelt down was noticeable. Kenshin found he could get used to not wearing a sword as he lifted Kaoru up into his arms. He didn't need a sword to hold his family close and protect them...

Kaoru shifted in his arms, warm and murmuring. Kenshin's eyes softened with wet tears. She was warm, so warm. Much warmer than that long trudge to a mountain home carrying dead weight that was as cold as the snows he had waded through.

"Kenshin?" Kaoru asked. Kenshin planted a kiss against her brow. Warm flesh moved back against his lips...

"Go ahead and sleep, de gozaru," he urged gently. Kaoru smiled as he laid her down in their room. She squirmed when he made to go.

"Get the baby..." she urged and fell back to snoring in a manner that Kenshin found cute. He carefully padded back and bent down. Kenji balled easily in his arms, pressing into the warmth of his chest.

Kenshin stared down into his baby's face. His heart almost broken when his only child opened his tiny mouth and yawned. The yawn ended in a soft baby's sigh. Kenshin's arms shook, remembering hard, heavy weight. Images of his hands slipping, FAILING, as they had done before clouded his mind. If that happened, Kenji's head would strike the floor. The delicate warm scalp against Kenshin's hand crested with fluffy red hair would shatter. The tiny being he had created inside Kaoru would be hurt. The being he had sparked with his thrusting maleness, the being he had wanted desperately when Kaoru had begun to show...

Kenshin blinked and instantly, he mightily gathered himself together. He stilled his strength and cradled Kenji expertly to his tiny bed and laid him in. The reminder of frozen death had steeled his arms and actions and would for the rest of his life. 

It was a chilling memory. But he would never harm again. 

End for now

This was quick to write but fun to do. Writing about this warrior's memories and feelings convey my feelings for my wife. This one was for her. 

penpaninu 3/17/08


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